it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
