Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
