just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
