I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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