I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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