Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
