walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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