i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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