Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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