Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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