? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize