I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
