worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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