I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
