Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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