So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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