This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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