dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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