No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
