So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
