I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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