I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
