You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
