things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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