Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
