i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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