the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
