I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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