How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
