She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
