Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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