thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
