4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
