You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
