Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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