I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
