Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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