I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
