I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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