i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
