I'm going to jail i love you
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drake has all the answers
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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