If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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