Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
