That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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