I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
