I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
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You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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