Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
