My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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