this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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