I intend to get homeless drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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