Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your penis caused this!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
