ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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