I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
