I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
