Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
two words...techno handjob
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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