I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
