Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
