I didn't shave. On purpose
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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