just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
