All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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