Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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