His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
