Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
