I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
