***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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