Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
